M.P.T.Y.

Baby I'm not sure if this is love.

There it is, there's a point that you could reach and that's the point of emptiness, but emptiness with you surroundings by people, persons. It's like you have him, you have her, you have anyone you want to but you cannot talk to them. None of them just would not understand. They knew you since you were 8 maybe, they knew you for years, but you just cannot talk to them. They wouldn't give the answers of your unimaginably questions. Yes, question with (s), a.k.a. Many questions.

The situation is, she has a boyfriend, she may call him a best friend, but she couldn't talk to him with heart. He just wouldn't understand. The world they're living is separated by line which very bold and no one could break it. She loves him, she needs him, she wants him, she likes him, so much. She wants him to be the first person in every her morning and the last one in every her night, but somehow he doesn't the one that she wants to talk to. She needs the other guy who would understand, by heart.

You know, you have questions, you know the answers, but you need other person to spill it to you. You want them to tell you this and that. Or the simple conclusion is, you don't want to solve it alone. You need partners. Or one is enough, you need a partner.

Are they just dead bodies with no soul but could walk and talk?

Well, is that true that your trusted friend is yourself only?

Your best friend is yourself only?

Then why would us need anybody else?

Guess what I want to say is... please do understand me. Sorry for being too complex. I'm just using difficult words to understand...

UPDATED!

New house. New room. New hair!

Hello!

Home yet?

I've just finally moved to my new lovely house.

What's new is now I'm living with someone called "Dad".

Three years without having someone called "Dad", I may say was my 3 years of freedom. So does my mom feel.

I told you, I live with my mom and that's fine rather than having more strangers with me.

picture stolen from postsecret

Saya mau tinggal di rumah pohon

Hari ini ulangan biologi. Alhamdulillah ulangan biologi paling mudah yang pernah gw jalanin. Cuma dapet kesempatan kilat buat belajar dikarenakan malemnya gw malah hura-hura nonton konser All Time Low yang hujan bra itu di Tennis Indoor Senayan. Cuma belajar satu setengah jam kurang karena sempet ketiduran karena ngantuknya pol banget. Sampe gw harus ngetweet "Ngantuknya apa-apaan nih" (oke ga penting).

Jeng jeng jeng. Waktunya ulangan biologi. Langsung caw ke lab biologi yang enjoy dingin dingin empuk. Masih duduk ngacak nih, gua tau sih kalo bakalan duduk sesuai absen, gua juga tau kalo absen 16 itu di paling depan, tapi gua masih pengen nggak percaya. Tapi ternyata... "Yang barisan depan absen 1, 6, 11, 16, 21, 26, 31, 36" Selamat saya ucapkan seperti nama biskuit.

Ternyata... ulangan berjalan mulus sekali! Walaupun ada yang nyontek 1 sih, yang soal etiolasi itu. Sumpah gw lupa banget, gw kira ada hubungannya sama air atau apa gitu, taunya yang tumbuhan tumbuh di tempat gelap. Hapal mati lah itu! Sama nomer 2 overheard gitu dikit, dikit kok, suwer, lagian jawabannya sama kayak gua.

Nah, sampailah ke soal nomer 7. Gw lupa soal aslinya, pokoknya intinya "Kalau kamu ingin hidup berdekade di rumah pohon dan kamu membuat rumah pohon di bawah cabang pohon, apakah rumah pohon itu akan ikut tumbuh seiring dengan pertumbuhan pohon tersebut? Jelaskan jawabanmu! (skor 15)"
Gua jawab nih kalo ga bakalan ikutan tumbuh, soalnya jaringan meristem yang aktif membelah itu ada di ujung atas batang, jadi yg dibawah gak ngaruh.
Pas ulangan udah selesai, gw cabs ke belakang, gw diskusi sama Ella soal ulangan barusan, tiba-tiba doi curhat...

"Lo tau soal nomer 7 kan? Yang tentang rumah pohon? Lo tau gak gw jawabnya apa? Gw jawab kalo: Itu sudah diperhitungkan oleh arsiteknya, jadi tidak mungkin ikut tumbuh, semuanya sudah diperhitungkan oleh arsitek yang baik."

Gua diem.

Dia lanjut.

"Kalo Demmy jawabnya: Pokoknya saya nggak mau tinggal dirumah pohon, bu."

Gua cabut.

Sakit perut.

Sekian review ulangan Biologi hari ini, selamat menikmati makan malam anda.
Ciao!

Everything is not enough

L is Lencist. L stands for love.

Kesan pertama dari kelas ini pas awal masuk: Bodo amat masuk kelas mana yang penting cepet naik kelas cepet lulus toh.

Awal-awal masih seperti kelas 10, dateng sekolah paling cepet, pulang sekolah paling cepet. Ya sekolah cuma sebagai suatu kewajiban yang harus dijalani. Cuma buat ngabisin waktu yang ternyata nggak usah diabisin juga akan habis sendiri. Hal itu berlanjut sampe akhir-akhir semester 1. Mulai deh keluar asli-aslinya.

Semester 2: I can hardly describe the situation with words. It was way beyond great. I was having a really good time with them.

Bingung juga mau posting apa. I'm not good as a writer.

Moment paling berharga: Turboplast & Pagelaran.

Betapa niatnya para lelaki untuk latihan bola plastik di Tanah Mas demi menangin Turboplast. Jadi inget masa-masanya nonton futsal di AXC. Inget masa-masa kalah mulu kalo main di AXC tapi Alhamdulillah bisa jadi juara 2 di Turboplast 2010. Kangen pas hectic-hecticnya rapat dimana mana, nagihin uang pagelaran, latihan di SD-nya Sandra yang dapet makan gratis ayam bakar enak :) Rapat dirumah Pak Ketua Asto di Rockwell a.k.a. Kodam Sumur Batu. Ngerekam video dimana mana. Ngerasain angkat-angkat drum, ampli, dll untuk keperluan pagelaran. Bahkan Yaris gw ngerasain ngebawa drum :) Inget waktu sujud syukur di lapangan gara-gara Lencist masuk final. Masa-masanya di kelas ketawa-ketawa doang nggak pernah belajar di barisan belakang.

Kangennya... Maksimal banget.

The truth is. Time is running fast. And it won't turn back.

And our moments, won't come again.

The laughs, will never be the same.

Even the tears, won't be like they used to.

Niatnya mau nulis panjang-panjang tapi gak kuat kayaknya. The feeling already take the control of me, I should turn this laptop off and go to sleep, feel our togetherness again in my sweet dream. I miss us.

Thanks for accepting me as your friend, thanks for letting me in, thanks for all the lesson that you taught me, thanks for everything, even everything is not enough.

Kesan terakhir dari kelas ini: Semoga kelas 12 kita sekelas lagi. You've made a serious mark on my heart, a lovely one :3

Bersatu kita teguh, bercerai kita runtuh.

JULY 26th

MONDAY, JULY 26th 2010

It was monday and it was 26.

It was our lovely 3rd monthlyversary.I received a bracelet. A hand-made bracelet.
He's so not that type who would do this kind of thing for anyone. And fortunately I'm not just anyone. Thanks to you.

Hai Skulizm

Sekolah hari ini ruame buanget! Lebay sih... Cuma emang lebih rame dari biasanya karena pulang sekolah ternyata ada acara Hai Skulizm di sekolah gw (SMAN 21). Ada The Trees And The Wild sebagai performer di acara itu (sadly, gw cuma bisa nonton satu lagu karena udah dijemput nyokap hix). Ada Raditya Dika juga sebagai bintang tamu (belom sempet ketemu doi juga, sadly). Ada booth Nokia juga yang bisa ngasih tau seberapa eksis sih elo? Rame!

Nah Hai juga ngadain lomba per kelas yang mengharuskan kita ngisi blog post setiap harinya. Yang paling rame dapet hadiah 1 juta rupiah. And... The winner goes to... XII IPA 2! Tak lain dan tak bukan... Kelas gw sendiri! Yippe! Gak sia-sia foto sekelas abis pulang sekolah. Lumayan jadi model 25rb! (Ceritanya 1 juta dibagi 40 anak). Ya walaupun uangnya gak dibagiin juga sih tapi dialihkan jadi dana buat buka puasa bersama sekelas.

Sejauh ini sekolah cukup menyenangkan. Being a 12 grader is a hard work and the result must be worth it.

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Me-Time

Move the page, close the book, open the new one.

Nothing special for today, just wanna share about what I did few days ago. It was Wednesday actually.

Skipped school. Woke up earlier to dropped my mom to Gambir. She was going to Cirebon at that time. Then went back home to catch some sleep until 1 PM. I was having a good sleep huh.

Then I woke up again, had nothing to do, so I decided to go for some movie, alone. Inception it was.

When I was having 'me-time', I thought about love. How that could be so unimaginably complicated. Based on the word, it just has four letters for God's sake, even fewer that the world complicated itself. How love could affect many things. And how love could be a reason of why I was losing my weight. And also how love could be the only reason why you and I are related.

Me-time was perfect. I have a thing from myself that I have to repair. It's broken enough to hurt someone else. Name it, ego.

A note for you: I skipped school was only to avoiding you. I need a distraction since the only thing I was thinking about is you.

Goodnight, love.

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Quick update, super quick!

akhirnya sekolah lagi. setelah liburan sekian lama. hidup gak jelas sebulan, buang-buang uang, tidur makan nggak tepat waktu. super seneng bisa sekolah lagi. getting closer to college. saya sangat excited dengan dunia perkuliahan yang insyaallah akan dilanjutkan di negri lain (doakan saja).

i really need to find an extra course to practice about my english. i really need to get a good score for IELTS. gotta call TBI soon. catch ya later.

this is a super short update!

Will you marry me?

Menikah. Should I or shouldn't I?

Semua orang pasti pengen nikah. Ada sih beberapa yang mungkin gak pengen (including me), tapi pasti sebagian besar orang pengen nikah. To have someone for eternity. To raise children together. To live happily ever after. Once, I've posted about my dream wedding. Tapi sekarang? I changed my mind. Gw punya cita-cita baru. To live my life by myself without someone called 'husband'. Pengen jadi wanita karir, sukses kerjaan, pensiun muda, buka usaha, keliling dunia. Simpel. (Ya iyalah siapa juga yang gak mau el).

I know I'll change my mind after next one or two months, but this is me now, this is what I'm thinking.

Sebenernya gw bukan orang yang begitu independent even I always force myself to be like that. Gw deket sama seseorang secara instan gw bisa bergantung sama dia. I have a boyfriend now and I'm like counting on him every second (I wish I don't). Tapi gw berusaha banget untuk tidak begitu. I'm working on it. So, I decided not to marry anyone. To live my own life with my own rules, because Joey doesn't share food ; -)

Updating June

Good morning. Everything seems nice today. 21 CUP is on the move, today is the day before the last day. Finally can bring a trophy for school from my basketball team.

Mood for today is: No mood for today.
Too lazy to wake up but even more to go back to sleep. Last night had such a blast with some friends from my former class. Loving them is too easy for me.

Met some good friends, laughed all night long, played with fire and water, had a tiring yet fun night. Finally can taste the feeling of laughing out loud again. Took lots of picture with my beloved GJ and GM and CCL --> club club lain *HaHa*

And finally met one special guy that I've been missing.

Don't you love your life too much?

A letter to June

Hey June! Welcome back :)
It's glad to meet you again on this year. Hope you'll treat me nice this year, let's just forget what happened between us last year and start all over again from the very beginning. Please June, don't hurt me bad.
Last year I hate you 1st day of June, but I hope this year I'm going to love you at June 26th ♥

By the way, I have planned my perfect gateway with my friends. We're going to *drumroll* Makassar & Buton! For God's Sake, I'm extremely happy to arrange this gateway. Each day I'm praying & hoping this will turn out to be awesome!

June, please complete my year. My beautiful 2010. I need you to treat me well. 2010 must be my year! Hope we're going well my dear June.
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I//MISS//YOU//SO//MUCH//IT//HURTS

Do I? Do you?

The question is "DO YOU COMPLETE ME?"

Sometimes relationship is nonsense. You just become somebody's somebody but it doesn't mean anything. Sometimes when you in a relationship, sometimes love doesn't work there. You just become somebody's somebody. You don't love, you don't care, you don't complete each other.

Well, I'm asking you, DO YOU COMPLETE ME? And I'm asking myself, DO I COMPLETE YOU?

No one perfect. It's math. It's a fact you can't deny. Everyone knows how it works, no one perfect. But that's the only reason why somebody needs somebody. That's the reason why love is exist.

I'm making my own theory.

I'm feeling dumb to made one.

Better go off soon.

Night people.

For those who feeling unwell,

hope you get better soon :--)

Please, stop biting your nails

dear you,
thanks for sitting next to me everyday
thanks for sharing your earphone
thanks for making my photo as your phone wallpaper
thanks for letting me write "ellya cantik" on your hand
thanks for letting me write "ellya cantik" as your profile
thanks for letting me punch your stomache everyday
also for letting me harm you just because i enjoy doing it :p

thanks for driving me anywhere i ask
thanks for teaching me about math and physic
thanks for giving me those stupid and sweet smiles
thanks for letting me kidnap your phone for couple of hours
thanks for teaching me how to play "going away to college" by guitar
also for forcing you to play baby - justin bieber on tap tap revenge

i love your scent, even it mixed with the smell of cigar & smoke
i love your hair, even its kinda messy
i love your tall body, even you cannot stand up straight
i love your thin foot, even there are too many mark on it
i love your smile, wheter you showing your teeth or not

one thing i'm asking you is just...
please,
stop biting your nails.

thank you,
i love you

Am I worth for the wait?

what if? the one that you love is belong to someone else?
what if? your best girl in love with someone who loves you?
what if? you are in denial with yourself?

i hate to admit that i'm in self denial. i know it, i feel it, even worse, i chose it. i made some boundaries that i couldn't even obey. my head twisting. you were like the coolest thing on earth but i'm afraid to touch you even just the tip of your nose. i'm afraid for making the wrong movement. but truthfully, i'm afraid of get hurt twice.

reminiscing the old days, back then i used to cry, a lot, about some shit that really unnecessary, i'm afraid it'll happen, more and more or worse and worse. i was young and stupid back then, but if i let myself to fall again, do i even change to be more mature or i drag myself to the same hole?

if i'm asking you to wait, would you wait for me? am i worth for the wait?

Diantara

mungkin bukan malam ini
yah, walaupun juga bukan kemarin

kita manusia punya banyak kemauan
walau kadang tak masuk akal adanya

aku lelah ada diantara
tetapi memilihpun sulit

hanya takut yang dirasa
walau sepi kian meradang

iya, ini jatuh cinta namanya

Caffeine drives me insane

I told you.
I like you.
But, I'm not in love with you.
I like you.
Till' the maximum level.
I want to be with you.
But just next to you.
Not as your girl.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for understanding.

note : just tried the fish eye effect with ma peephole. kinda cute, i guess.

BDAY//HEYDAY//MYDAY

birth-day means the day when you were born, and you keep on celebrating it for every year.

and here it comes to mine,

actually it was a couple of days ago, april 7th 2010.

and it was the best day that i could ever wished for.

i came to school as usual and having some chit chat with my friends as usual, but suddenly, all my class mates were seems like ignoring me. good, i was all alone. i almost cry to death but i know they did that on purpose, so i have to keep my cool. muahahaha!

time passed and school's time was over, my class mates were still ignoring me so i decided to go home sooner than usual, but suddenly, wina came to me and removed my glasses. oh this is not good! mega held my hand and my friends were all over me and they put something to cover up my face so i can't see through that thing. oh my goodness!

my friends took me to abank's motorcycle and they forced me to get on that thing, which i did it. abank took me to some places with his motorcycle which i don't know where because yeah, my face was still covered up by 'something-i-don't-know'. after 10 minutes or more, finally we arrived at a small park near my school and my friends were there singing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". i was extremely happy!

they bought me a cake, which is super delicious! but then........... ella throw me an egg. yeah, my face was covered up with eggs, flour, and many things which i'm not sure.

but that was f-u-n. the best birthday ever.

my surprise wasn't only that.

my junior high school's friends came to my house at 9 and sang "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" with mask on their face and candle on their head. it was a surprisingly creative!

they bought me sushi which they made like 17 shape.

such a cute 'cake'.

how can i not like you april 7th?

i'm not going to make a wishlist or birthday resolution but i have another b^day surprise to tell you about

when i was having my birthday party, my friend forced me to came into my room and waited there, which i did it too.

then, when i came out from my room.............

there was a huge box in front of my room, and my friends were singing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

when i opened up that box

voila! there was a man inside, and he is abank! he was holding a monkey doll and it was so cute. thank you friends! me loves ya!

this is too sweet :')

i swear i love this year's birthday

this is the sweetest seventeen that a teen ever wished for

How I Miss Blogger!

long time no write! kangen sekali sama blogspot. kangen ber lebay lebay disini. sekarang jadi jarang ngepost lagi nih huhuhu. sibuk sekali hidup gw lately. udah gitu modem flash juga kandas dibawa si kakak sepupu bernama alfia. jadi ya jarang menyentuh internet dengan laptop. kalo lewat bb mah lanjut teruuuuus. by the way, sekarang kepala gw lagi puyeng banget. darah rendah lagi menyerang. rasanya dahsyat banget aduh aduh.

what date today? april the 3rd! wow, 4 hari menuju sweet tujuhbelasan-nya si ellya nuraisyah! 7 april, gw makin tua setahun, semakin deket sama dunia universitas. dapet ktp, sim, paspor, sama atm sendiri. gw gak merasa begitu spesial, tapi seneng aja udah mau 17 sebentar lagi. semoga pas 7 april hari itu menjadi hari yang menyenangkan. hari hari sebelumnya cukup menyenangkan kok. ya tapi semoga 7 april lebih menyenangkan lagi. dapet banyak ucapan, kado, kejutan, hehehe ngarep banget.

btw, currently i like someone. ya he's the nicest of all. baik-nya keterlaluan. orangnya pinter. ya udah, cuma 2 hal itu doang sih yang bikin gw demen. i told him already that i like him. ya responnya dia diem aja biasa aja. fine for me. i just want to tell him. semakin hari gw jadi semakin gatau malu dan semakin blak blak-an jadi orang. lagian, keeping that feeling is hurting me inside, i prefer let it out. ya gw ngomongnya gak lebay juga. cuma blg "i like you, end of story". i'm not asking for more. if he likes me back, ya alhamdulillah. if he doesn't, ya gapapa. i'm fine :--)

how's school? duh don't talk about that deh. i have no excitement to go to school except to meet my friends. bahkan gw gapernah bawa buku lagi ke sekolah. cuma bawa laptop, bekel, hp, dompet, kunci rumah, anduk kecil. cukup. no books. kadang juga kelupaan bawa bolpen. kacau.

sumpah lagi excited banget sama dunia kuliahan. antara prancis atau belanda nih. gabisa diceritain disini segimana excited-nya. pokoknya excited banget. udahlah, see you on the next post. gw harus melakukan hal hal yang lain dulu nih mumpung ketemu internet. hihihi. bye all ;)

sincerely,
ellya