..THE END

Gue masih maksain apa yang udah bener-bener bukan buat gue. Dia yang dulu bilang kalo dia yang akan selalu ada buat gue, yang bakalan selalu sayang sama gue adalah orang yang paling jahat sama gue. Dia udah bener bener gak perduli gimana perasaan gue ke dia sekarang.

Dulu gue mulai nge-blog tgl 11 februari 2008, di blog gue yang lama yang keapus. Itu karena gue seneng banget bisa punya pacar kaya 'dia', gue pengen bisa cerita apa yg gue alamin bareng dia lewat blog. Itu gue buat sebulan setelah gue jadian sama dia. Sekarang hampir sebulan setelah gue putus sama dia. I think I want to stop blogging. Should I stop? Or shouldn't I?

..HURT

Banyak orang yang putus. Gue gak ngerti gimana perasaan mereka. Kalo gue sih masih sedih. masih berkabung. Tapi untungnya, gue udah berhenti nangis. If I'm crying again, I really should stop. Gue nggak pernah mempersiapkan buat sedih kaya gini. Eh tapi kejadian aja gitu. I really had no clue. Ya, emang sih people come and go. Tapi tetep aja, I need someone to settle. To stay beside me (he told me that he will stand right beside me, but what do I have to expect?). Gue sedih aja gitu, he really get over me. Geez, 17 bulan. Itu lama banget loh. We've been through everything. Tapi cuma dengan beberapa hari he really get over me. Sedih banget.

Eh ini susah banget buat dijalanin, help me out dong. Ajak jalan kek keluar kota keluar negri dua bulan. Bayarin tapi -_-"

The one that you love the most may hurt you the most
He did that to me

..THIS SHYT LIFE

Semuanya tiba-tiba berubah. Ya semuanya gara gara tanggal 1 Juni 2009. Gue selama 19/20 hari ini berubah jadi orang yang moody parah. Parah banget. Akut. Stadium 2000 (gatau kenapa gue nulis angka 2000. ga mikir). Keadaan diperburuk dengan gue lagi libur. Udah seminggu gue gak sekolah, gue udah meliburkan diri karena di sekolah juga gak ngapa-ngapain. Remed gue masih kurang satu tapi ya peduli setan. Di rumah gue mau ngapain coba? Nonton dahsyat, hits, inbox, infotainment doang kerjaannya. Trus kalo udah malem, gue jadi makhluk sensitive yang kampungan abis kerjaannya bengong sama nangis doang. My life suddenly turned like shyt.

Bukan salah dia semuanya gini, bukan salah gue juga, ga ada yang salah, tapi emang hubungannya udah salah. Kita udah ga sejalan, tapi gue masih maksain untuk standing right beside him. Dia juga udah get over me, tapi gue masih ngerasa kalo gue masih ada artinya buat dia. Gue cuma ngeboongin diri gue sendiri. Gue masih ngarepin kalo dia bisa tetep kaya dulu, deket kaya dulu, ya even kita gak pacaran. Tapi Vania emang paling bener deh...

Gue kemaren bilang sama Vania, kalo gue masih mau tetep deket sama 'you-know-who', gue gak ada niatan buat ngelupain dia kok. Tapi Vania cuma khawatir satu hal. Mau ga dia tetep deket sama gue? Mungkin dia bilang 'mau'. Tapi cuma gara gara gaenak aja kali sama gue. Atau mungkin he really means it kalo dia mau tetep deket sama gue, tapi gue emang gak bisa percaya. Ya orang bakal percaya sama lo kalo emang lo ngebuktiin kan. Bukan begitu?

Aduh gue gak tau deh gue ngomongin apa. Tenggorokkan gue sakit, gatel, atau gimana lah itu rasanya gue juga gak ngerti. Air mata rasanya udah ngantri mau keluar tapi kalo keluar gue malu. Malu sama diri gue sendiri. Dulu gue tuh gak se-kampungan ini. Apa-apa nangis coba sekarang. Dulu? I used to be a strong girl. I've been trough hard things. Tapi yang ginian doang kenapa gak bisa?

Gue gak pernah sesayang ini sama orang apa gue gak pernah sebego ini sebelumnya?

Makasih buat semuanya ya. Ya walaupun harusnya lo juga bilang makasih sih ke gue. Gue gak ngerasa hutang budi juga sama lo. Ya gue tau lo usaha selama 1 tahun lebih ini, tapi gue juga yaaaa.... gue gak cuma diem aja.... gue juga usaha buat nyenengin lo loh ya.... ah tau ah -__-"

..ELLEN'S BDAY

We made "Happy Bday" with candles, and Ellen blew them all ;)
Happy Birthday, love
Happy 16!
Hope you get a jave from your Pa

June 18th

..TROUSERS!

thrift blazer, unbranded tee

I just got my tailor made corduroy trousers!

it comes with three buttons!

I'm so happy and can't wait to see another one (I made two)

Sincerely,
Ellya

..PURPLE-ING

I was playing dressed up yesterday before Vania came to my house. And I just got this.

Today, me and my friend will go out to the mall just to watch movies. 17 again & startrek (poor us, we haven't seen them yet). Let's hope today will be great. Spending time with friends makes me very happy.

I was wearing thrifted purple dress, blue tights, random necklaces, and random bangles

ps : CHEKOV IS LOVELY! (@ Startrek)

..GET A LIFE DUDE

I don't really want to hear any sad songs anymore. Stop being so melancholic

(image source : atoms.tumblr)

..HUGS AND KISSES

Today I went to Bekasi Square with Alwin and Imam to watch 'drag me to hell' and eat 'd'cost'. OH GOD! I HATE THAT MOVIE. I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. I HATE YOU ALWIN!
After we watched that idiot movie, we went for pray and we ate at d'cost! Oh God, I ate like a pig, we ordered two fishes, squids, shells, and others. We also ordered rice for 6 person! Hahhaa.

I was using 'Star Wars' shirt, when Stark Trek is booming. Poor me.
After we went to Bekasi Square, Alwin played at my homey. We were surfing on the internet and also laughed a lot! We also had some hugs and friendly kisses, oh God he's such a breath taker. I love love love him. I know he loves me too tee-hee.

Tomorrow, my high school fwendzy will come to my house and we will play some dress up. I'll post more.

Currently feeling : missing my lovely Alwin :)

Sincerely,
Ellya

..OH PLANET

IDR 80.000
Who wants to buy this? Let me know!

..TEE OR TEA

Today, I went to Bogor with my mom. She wanted to buy some boxer and at Bogor they're very cheap. So she asked me to come with her.
And I bought three tees, which two of them are for me and one of them for Alwin (he's craving for some tees)

they're for me

and this is for Alwin ;)

I love extra size tee

"You're a different human being to everybody you meet"

-Chuck Palahniuk

NEW COMER FOR MY CLOSET

these are what i bought last tuesday

btw, today's supposed to be my 17 months anniversary with alwin. but hell, we broke up. i'm dying

..HAPPY & ALSO UNHAPPY @ THE SAME TIME

Today I went to shop at thrifted market at Senen with Ella, Ria, and Marisa. I bought 2 leggings, 4 shirts, a blazer, and also a skirt for only Rp60.000,-
I really excited to wear those things. But they're still inside my washing machine to be clean. Okay, wait girl. Photos are coming up next.

By the way, I have no message or call from Alwin. I think he's leaving me. Actually, I wanna cry. Out loud. But, I can't. This feels very hurt until I can't even cry. I think about this every second, but I don't think he even care. It's okay. We're nobody now. But, I'm still loving him. I really wish I don't love him anymore, but he's the only person for me. A lifetime boyfriend, even if he decided to broke up with me. I love you, I don't care if you don't. I don't care if you with someone else. I don't care if I with someone else. But, I love you :'(

I watched this movie today and..... there're nothing I can say. It's just too fits on me. My best character is Gigi. I wish I could be more like her. I want to in love with a guy who loves me like I do. I used to like that. But not anymore. Oh Gigi, I adore you.

..Black gray and dark blue

All that I want by icaaci featuring Ralph Lauren accessories

I wanna go shopping after the exam week. And also the remedial week. I need some things to cheer me up. Because of I don't have a boyfriend now, so I need those things. Immediately.

but I still wish that you could be here, right next to me. I miss you

..today's quote

I watched Terminator Salvation today and I quote,

"There is no faith that can't be change"

&

"The difference between Human and Machine. Human cannot be program"

when you say you want me after we break up
i know that you just lie to me

..I thought it was summer

I don't care which today is Wednesday

Or even Sunday when it's holiday
I pull myself from the crowd
And hide behind the blanket

It's so cold outside
I nearly freeze
I thought that you would come
To light my furnace
But you never knock

I believe yesterday was summer
But today suddenly winter came
I don't prepare
To throw my bikinis
Or choose my best coat

518 days

2 Januari 2008

Chat lagi pertama kali, setelah lama lost contact. Alwin lagi dijalan pulang dari bandung. Abis tahun baruan tuh dia. Seru banget ya hehehe. Pas dijalan dia online msn lewat hp, eh malah chat sama gue selama perjalanan. Tapi berhenti pas dia udah nyampe soalnya baterenya dia udah mau abis dan dia juga mau pulang. Dia ngesave nomer gue tuh pas dirumahnya Sakti hehehe.
Sebenernya besokkannya dia ngajak ketemuan di PIM tapi guenya nggak bisa, nggak ada temennya kalo gasalah. Ya jadinya nggak jadi deh. Eh dianya juga nggak jadi ke PIM.

4 Januari 2008
Ketemuan nih ceritanya. Di gading. Gue berangkat sama Vania. Dia berangkat sama Dimas dan Sakti. Gue kenalnya cuma sama Dimas doang tuh awalnya. Gue masih inget pas pertama ketemu dia, dia pake baju apa. Gue juga inget gue pake baju apa. Gue inget waktu gue kesana gue sama Vania naik apa. Hafal mati deh.
Gue seharian gugup gitu, mati gaya. Gue jaim abis, takut salah salah ntar dia ilfil haha. Tapi gue seneng jalan sama dia hari itu. Walaupun gue diem aja tapi dia selalu bikin gue ketawa. Pas mau pulang, dia nganterin gue ke taksi di lobby.

Gue makin deket deh makin hari sama dia :)

10 Januari 2008
Libur! Janjian dooong sama Alwin di PIM. Gue berangkat sama temen temen gue. Alwin berangkat sendiri naik motor tapi ke Diztrix dulu, trus ke PIM nya bareng Fia sama Dimas. Gue nyampe duluan, jadi gue makan dulu di foodcourt sama temen temen gue. Pas dia udah sampe, dia nyamperin gue ke foodcourt. Ya gue misah sama temen temen gue dan jalan bareng dia, fia, dimas.
Eh tapi gue ditinggal gitu sama fia sama dimas. Jadi cuma berdua sama Alwin. Karena guenya masih jaim jaim gitu jadi gue bingung mau ngapain sama Alwin. Bingung juga mau ngobrolin apa. Gue suka sama Alwin, jadinya malu hahaha.
Trus kita janjian ketemuan sama fia sama dimas di depan simfoni.
Dan jeng jeng jeng, dia nembak gue. Gue seneng banget!!! Walaupun masih malu malu, tapi gue seneng banget. Gue jadian sama dia loh.
Dia nganterin gue pulang naik motor. Katanya, itu perjalanan dia paling jauh bawa motor, ya gue juga paling jauh naik motor dari PIM ke Bekasi. Hahhahaha.

Gue sayang sama dia loh, dia bilang juga dia sayang sama gue.

Sampe akhirnya.....

1 Juni 2009

Kita putus.
Gak ada penjelasan apa apa tentang ini.
I'm too hurt to type a letter.
Bye bye my lover.
You're always be the one.
I love you.
More than I love my cellphone.
More than I love A Rocket To The Moon.
More than I love wedges.
I want you.
More than I want Sour Sally.
More than I want Sushi.

Im not that beautiful to be next to you
Im not that smart to talk to you
Im not that kind to be your friend
Im not that rich to give you present
But, I love you

More than yesterday

With love,
Ellya xoxo

Bye bye my lover

A year, 4 months, 3weeks, a day
I love you still ;)

bye, xoxo

With love,
Ellya