M.P.T.Y.

Baby I'm not sure if this is love.

There it is, there's a point that you could reach and that's the point of emptiness, but emptiness with you surroundings by people, persons. It's like you have him, you have her, you have anyone you want to but you cannot talk to them. None of them just would not understand. They knew you since you were 8 maybe, they knew you for years, but you just cannot talk to them. They wouldn't give the answers of your unimaginably questions. Yes, question with (s), a.k.a. Many questions.

The situation is, she has a boyfriend, she may call him a best friend, but she couldn't talk to him with heart. He just wouldn't understand. The world they're living is separated by line which very bold and no one could break it. She loves him, she needs him, she wants him, she likes him, so much. She wants him to be the first person in every her morning and the last one in every her night, but somehow he doesn't the one that she wants to talk to. She needs the other guy who would understand, by heart.

You know, you have questions, you know the answers, but you need other person to spill it to you. You want them to tell you this and that. Or the simple conclusion is, you don't want to solve it alone. You need partners. Or one is enough, you need a partner.

Are they just dead bodies with no soul but could walk and talk?

Well, is that true that your trusted friend is yourself only?

Your best friend is yourself only?

Then why would us need anybody else?

Guess what I want to say is... please do understand me. Sorry for being too complex. I'm just using difficult words to understand...

Do I? Do you?

The question is "DO YOU COMPLETE ME?"

Sometimes relationship is nonsense. You just become somebody's somebody but it doesn't mean anything. Sometimes when you in a relationship, sometimes love doesn't work there. You just become somebody's somebody. You don't love, you don't care, you don't complete each other.

Well, I'm asking you, DO YOU COMPLETE ME? And I'm asking myself, DO I COMPLETE YOU?

No one perfect. It's math. It's a fact you can't deny. Everyone knows how it works, no one perfect. But that's the only reason why somebody needs somebody. That's the reason why love is exist.

I'm making my own theory.

I'm feeling dumb to made one.

Better go off soon.

Night people.

For those who feeling unwell,

hope you get better soon :--)

Am I worth for the wait?

what if? the one that you love is belong to someone else?
what if? your best girl in love with someone who loves you?
what if? you are in denial with yourself?

i hate to admit that i'm in self denial. i know it, i feel it, even worse, i chose it. i made some boundaries that i couldn't even obey. my head twisting. you were like the coolest thing on earth but i'm afraid to touch you even just the tip of your nose. i'm afraid for making the wrong movement. but truthfully, i'm afraid of get hurt twice.

reminiscing the old days, back then i used to cry, a lot, about some shit that really unnecessary, i'm afraid it'll happen, more and more or worse and worse. i was young and stupid back then, but if i let myself to fall again, do i even change to be more mature or i drag myself to the same hole?

if i'm asking you to wait, would you wait for me? am i worth for the wait?

Diantara

mungkin bukan malam ini
yah, walaupun juga bukan kemarin

kita manusia punya banyak kemauan
walau kadang tak masuk akal adanya

aku lelah ada diantara
tetapi memilihpun sulit

hanya takut yang dirasa
walau sepi kian meradang

iya, ini jatuh cinta namanya

Take me. Take me wherever but here.

Take me. Take me wherever but here.
Home for me now is just a place to sleep and to sorry-ing my self. Seeing that now I'm such a loser who doesn't have any thing to be proud of. Got nothing special to do. Feeling this laziness level to the maximum point. I even lazy just for take some food even I was hungry to death. Yes, that's how bad I am.

But outside home, I feel a huge amount of fun around my friends. Junior high school friends? I love to spend time talking about how our life was, and how our life will be. Senior high school friends? I love to spend time laughing about a guy, and making funny of him, he's such a laugh maker. Today, I just got home from Snow Bay, playing water with my senior high school friends, and it was such a great time. I'd kill myself if I don't have a chance to go with them.

I wish I'd be forever with them. I laughed, I screamed until I hurt my throat and now I'm talking like a witch. Such a pity effect but so what? I want to laugh and scream until I have no voice left. I love them, they're my laugh maker. And I don't have them inside my house. So, truth to be told I hate to staying at home without them.

Enough for today,
Gotta catch some sleep.

My march wish:
Going out with my friends everyday.
Playing with my friends everyday.
Do anything with my friends.
Na'ah whatever.

Btw, I just got my SLR Camera.
It's Nikon D3000 and my mom bought me another lense, it's Tamron AF 70-300.
Thank's Mom.
Thank's God.

(the photo above was taken by Muhammad Naufal Muflih, a friend of mine)

Lingkaran. Berhubungan. Saling membutuhkan.

Selamat siang saudara-saudari. Hari ini saya kembali lagi untuk menulis sesuatu.

Mungkin yang bakal gw tulis ini bakalan mengundang suatu permasalah baru. Bakal ada pro dan kontra. Tapi gw harus nulis ini. Harus! Ini adalah suatu pencapaian dalam hidup (lebay sih). Oke, mari kita mulai.

Gw mau nulis tentang IPA dan IPS. Jurusan yang dibagi di SMA. Ada yang dibagi saat memasuki kelas 11 atau 2 SMA. Ada juga yang udah dibagi dari kelas 10 atau 1 SMA.

Selama ini, gw nggak pernah yang namanya membandingkan IPA dan IPS. Menurut gw sama aja. Sama-sama dibutuhin toh. Saling melengkapi. Saling membutuhkan satu sama lain. Gw nggak pernah nganggep kalo IPS itu jelek dan IPA itu bagus. Kalo guru yang membanding bandingkan ya itu lain lagi. Namanya juga orang tua. Kadang berfikiran kolot.

Tapi gw sering menemukan kalo para murid IPS mengatakan "Kami IPS, terus kenapa?". Yah, gapapa. Toh saya nggak mempertanyakan anda IPS atau IPA. Saya baik-baik aja sama kalian semua. Bahkan salah satu sahabat saya masuk IPS dan saya seneng banget karena emang itu bidangnya dia. Dan dia juga pinter. Berarti gak cuma orang bodoh kan yang masuk IPS? Dan gak semua orang pinter ada di IPA kan? Kita semua sama aja, semuanya pinter. Bedanya cuma gimana cara belajar masing-masing aja. Kedisiplinan. Kerajinan.

Untuk lahan pekerjaan. Banyak juga toh murid lulusan IPS yang bisa masuk ke jurusan kedokteran dan akhirnya jadi dokter sukses. Dan itu sangat amat keren. Bukan keren karena dia dokter. Tapi karena dia bisa belajar dalam waktu yang singkat. Terus kenapa kalo anak IPA jadi akuntan? Bukannya itu keren juga? Karena dia juga bisa belajar pelajaran IPS dalam waktu yang singkat.

Semuanya sama aja. Saling membutuhkan. Kita hidup kan kayak lingkaran. Saling berhubungan. Butuh membutuhkan.

Sekian. Harus minum obat dulu nih. Doakan semoga gw cepet sembuh ya. Hehe. Bye folks!

Love doesn't even work for me

Somehow I feel like I lost my feelings. Gw kayak udah mati rasa atau hampir mungkin. Gw gak pernah lagi merasakan kebahagiaan yang teramat sangat tapi juga gak pernah lagi sedih yang amat sangat. Gak lagi merasakan semangat yang menggebu gebu dan gak lagi merasakan males yang amit-amitan (ehem, yg ini masih sih sebenernya :p). Tapi ya gitu, semuanya jadi hambar. Kayak makan roti tawar gak pake topping apa-apa, bahkan kulit pinggirannya dipotongin juga.

Apa mungkin karena dulu gw sempet euphoria yang kesenengan setengah mati lalu langsung down down down down, download (loetjoe). Ya you know lah down karena apa. Ya gitu deh. Trus sekarang? Setelah semuanya lewat? Ya udah, it seems like I have no feelings at all. Even when I fall in love it doesn't feel like the old times. Gw jadi merasa sangat standar dan merasa hidup gw kayak numpang lewat doang.

Lalu sekarang how to make my life more exciting?
Yang terlintas di otak gw saat ini adalah tidur. Tapi gak ada yang fun dari tidur kecuali bunga tidur atau mimpi. Tapi gimana kalo mimpinya buruk? Gak fun juga. Ya walaupun gw gak bakalan sedih sampe nyilet-nyilet sih kalo mimpi buruk. Btw, kayaknya kata nyilet lagi trend ya. Wohoo! Saya seneng bisa mengikuti trend. Berarti saya trendy. Oke. Kayaknya gw mulai gila.

Gw pengen merasakan euphoria yang seneng sampe mati lagi. Tapi apa yang bisa membuat gw merasa seperti itu? Love doesn't even work for me.

Yang bikin gw paling seneng sekarang mungkin nontonin mukanya Kurapika yang masih 17 tahun (dan akan terus 17 tahun selamanya). Back to Hunter X Hunter. See you soon folks!

Queen on my world

Somehow, I lost what best friend means. Now I know is friends only. Not to say that all my friends aren’t nice, but I’m not dare enough to say that “He’s my best friend” or “She’s my best friend”. I lost that mean. I used to say those things, or maybe I used to had them, but now they’re seem invincible. I don’t want to say that they’re gone or what, but I just don’t see them as best friends. Friend is enough to describe what they are.

Well, I’m enjoying these times for myself. I’m totally enjoying this. I got nothing to worry about. It’s all about me and myself only. Sounds selfish maybe, but I don't want to give a damn about what people've been through. And I don't want them to give a damn about what I've been through. Sometimes, I ask for their opinion, but that's it. Nothing more. I want me in my world, I want me to be the only one person to take control in my own life.

It's all coming back to yourself only. You're the one who'll get through whatever world treats you, good or even bad. I'm so enough lay on somebody. I'm so enough being totally stupid back then who lay my hope, or even life on somebody. I really shouldn't did that. I was a total stupid human being.

This is a pointless post.
Got to write something better tomorrow.
See ya folks.

Loads of crap is what I wrote about

I'm thinking about doing something with my blog. Doing something a bit meaningful. I mean not just writing about some craps and some of my daily activities who actually not really fun. I want to write more. Something more inspiring. Something more fun.

I'm doing this blogging thing for like almost two years. But I've lost my first blog. I accidentally clicked the delete option. Which I really regret. It's so me. I put everything into it. My good times, my bad times, my ex lover, my whole world. I can write 10-20 posts a month. Isn't it cool? But now I realize that I wrote 10-20 nonsenses a month.

It's like I had nothing to do, then I wrote crap on my blog.

Like this time.

Gosh, I need to think what subject I can write about. A cool one.

But what? Hello?

Please somebody, tell me an idea. An idea about what am I going to write in this lame blog. Fyuh, I guess I'm bad at writing. Should I just delete this blog instead?

They got no clue

If they're older than you, doesn't mean that they're wiser than you.

Well, something happened and it's not like what we wanted.

Some people acted the way that you don't like.

Some people acted really bitchy.

Some people messed your life.

But that's how this life works.

You need to settle down you feeling.

Just take a deep breathe and lose it.

Let stupid people do their own business --> Ruining your life.

Let stupid people do their own business --> Shouting you the bad word that actually refers to herself/himself.

Stupid people cursing you the bad words that actually describe themselves.

If, Guess, Hope

If you love someone, you want him to look after you, take care of you, talk to you, or just stare at you.

If you love someone, you expect him to see what's in you, see the good inside you.

If you love someone, you wish him to be next to you, to always be there, even in silence.

If you love someone, you will let him happy for whatever he chooses.

I guess I like someone.

But, I guess he doesn't.

I guess I like someone.

Even we never officially talk.

I guess I like someone.

Even the longest conversation we had just about 20 minutes.

I guess I like someone.

Even he just can answer my question without asking me back.

I guess I like someone.

But I don't feel so right about us.

I guess I like someone.

But we're different human being.

I hope.

I don't lose him this time.

Hope we can work these things out.

I hope.

Even in silence.

I still can hear his voice.

Calling my name.

I hope.

I won't get hurt.

And he won't get hurt either.

Sometimes, you need back ups

I went out just to get some foods and a cup of coffee.

On my way out there I've been thinking.

Do I need a person called boyfriend?

I watch a movie a half way (haven't done it when I was on my way out), it says

"Life is just like a tv show. Guests come and go, but finally you end up alone"

That's true.

You're best friends is yourself. So why do you need anyone else?

I'm having such a good time with myself. Sufring on the internet. Reading some books. Enjoying a cup of latte. Watching Dvds. Sleeping without anyone buzzing me off. So do I need anyone to disturb me? The answer must be "No". A big NO.

But when I reached home. I continued watching the movie that I haven't finished it yet.

It says "Couples aren't future. You need back ups."

So if two persons aren't enough.

Then just alone is completely not enough too.

This makes me thinking.

Keep thinking...

Keep thinking...

Until I publish this post,

I still don't know what is the best answer.

Do I Like You, Mysterious Boy?

What does it feels to like someone?

Because I think, I like someone now.

And I don't know the best way to describe how I feel.

I haven't officially met him yet.

We do the chat thing through messenger.

I've seen him for couple times.

He also has seen me for couple times.

He's smart.

He's a young talented guy.

He has a weird sense of humor.

He's very thoughtful.

He's quite handsome (err.... let me say just good looking).

He's just exactly the guy I like.

Well boy, I'm not asking you to like me back.

>>I'm listening to HardRock FM >>I Just Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble

..rainy day, hmm i love the smell

I love rainy season

I love rain

I love raindrops

I love the smell when rain meets ground

I love the smell after rain has come

I love the smell of grass that come out with rain

I enjoy a cup of coffee in rain

I enjoy a bowl of noodle in rain

I enjoy a plate of pancake in rain

I just love rain after all :)

My Wedding Ceremony

Di jalan pulang gw ngomongin soal resepsi pernikahan sama nyokap. Awalnya sih gara-gara ntar temen nyokap ada yang mau ngawinin anaknya gitu. Finally, gw jait dress juga buat kondangan. I don't have any! Huhu kasian. I'm going to make a LBD :) Oh iya back to resepsi pernikahan. Now, I'm thinking about mine yuhuuuu so excited hahaha buru-buru banget gak sih gw masih 16 tahun gitu.

Rencananya gw cuma pengen nikah di rumah. Rumahnya di dekor sedemikian rupa supaya mewah dan temanya itu putih lace gitu dekornya. And I will wear a very glamour white kebaya (must be so awesome!). Gw mau bikin acara nikahan gw yang khidmat dan personal. Gw cuma mau ngundang kurang lebih 50 orang terdekat gw. I'm not going to invite lots of my family because it seems useless. Gw gak kenal kenal amat gitu sama saudara gw sendiri, I'm sorry. Gw mau acaranya simpel tanpa acara adat apapun. Ya nikah secara islam dan negara biasa aja gitu. 

Talking about the foods.......... Gw akan menyewa katering paling enak dan paling mewah (the price is doesn't matter karena yang gw undang orangnya cuma dikit ini hahahaha). Dan gw pasti akan mengikutsertakan SUSHI sebagai hidangan di acara nikahan gw. Yep, SU-SHI! (pasti banyak yang ngarep diundang deh hahahahaha ce ce ce). Salmon mentai, salmon sushi, uuuu pasti enak banget deh.

I hope

In my wedding ceremony

I'll be the prettiest girl

And my man

Will be

The most handsome guy

And we're perfectly fit each other

And live our life

Together

For the rest

Of our life

Amen

..i'm going to THROW this away

I have to say this is the sweetest birthday present ever and he gave me in perfect way

Got to move this thing to trash bin

Bye bye

I'm Going To Face College

I'm going to face college in more than a year and a half. I really wish that I'd go to fsrd-itb. But my mom seems doesn't want me to. She said 'kamu beneran suka gambar? kamu paling ikut-ikutan temen kamu doang biar dibilang keren.' Mom, you know what? I've been drawing since I was in kindergarten. Gw selalu ikut kompetisi gambar dan mewarnai semenjak kecil. And then, pada suatu hari, my mom came to my room and saw me while i was drawing and she said 'kamu bs gambar juga? gambar kamu bagus juga ya.' (and it was just a few days ago -_-").

Guru bp gw bilang ke gw kalo gw ada bakat gambar. Bagusan kalo gw terusin ke jurusan design. Biar gw kuliahnya enjoy. And finally hobby makes money. Guru bp baru gw loh.......... dan nyokap gw yang udah dari dulu sama gw baru tau kalo gw suka gambar (o mama, kemana aja kamu selama ini?).

Gw disuruh masuk teknik informatika. Sementara itu jurusannya emang lagi nge-hip kan sekarang. Trus kenapa gw yang dibilang ikut-ikutan sih? Gw dari dulu gitu suka gambarnya. Nah dia gitu yang ikut-ikutan orang sampe nyuruh-nyuruh gw masuk IT.

Halo, disini saya bingung. What shud I do?

How I Love To Be Me

Well, I'm not sad of being un-pretty. I'm not shy to look into the mirror and looking to my face. Hell yeah, I'm not pretty. I don't care which my face is too dry or too oily or whatever. I don't see that myself perfect. But at least, inside my heart, I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to see anybody hurts because of me. I wanna make anyone happy. Happy because of my attention. Happy because of my act. Happy that I'm around.
And thank God, I have this smart brain. Well, maybe I'm not the smartest person in my class. But at least, I'm good on every subject. I'm a fast learner. And I have a big curiosity (in positive way).

Thanks God, for made me this way. For made me like this. I'm so grateful to be like this. I know this is the best for me. Thanks God :D

Miss, Missed, Missing, Misses

Miss
Missed, missing, misses
(n)
1. kegagalan menangkap, memukul, dan sebagainya
2. nona
3. anak gadis
4. panggilan untuk guru wanita atau pelayan toko wanita
(vt), (vi)
1. tidak kena ; meleset
2. kehilangan kesempatan
3. tidak mendengar, melihat
4. merindukan
5. ketinggalan

those are what 'miss' mean based on my alfa link
miss? do i miss someone? do i miss something? (i'm talking about miss in the bold word means)
after something bad happened to me. the worst one. the one thing that needs the longest time to recovery. now, i guess i lost what miss means. i miss nothing rite now.
like if i'm remembering about my junior high school time, yeah i miss it. but, not from my heart. i guess it's over and it's done.
what else? like if i haven't met my friend such a very long time, yeah i miss he/she. but, it's okay. we can meet in another time.

i guess i lost my heart
and i don't know where i can found it